Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
