Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
