I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
