Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
