I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
