I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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