she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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