I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
