Don't you send me to vm
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
