sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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