Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
