There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
