i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
