the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
