it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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