Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
