His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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