it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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