i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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