Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
