Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
