You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
