the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
