Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
