Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
