I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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