If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
