Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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