i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
