it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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