Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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