And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
