stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my liver is dry heaving
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
