Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
