she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
