I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
