There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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