Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can I color on your dick again?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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