how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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