UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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