3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
