my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
