Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
