I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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