I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
