i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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