dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
