...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
