There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
