Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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