I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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