i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
