i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
