butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
