areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
